Last week

I never thought I would lose my mom so soon. After she beat the cancer I thought we would have her for a long time. But I guess God had other plans.

Every Sunday we would go and visit my mom in the care center and take her dinner. Little did I know,  last Sunday would be the last time we ate a meal together. Everything was normal,  she seemed good. I helped her with decorations for her room.

Monday night I was at work and my dad came and told me they were taking my mom to the hospital because she was having trouble breathing. I was worried,  but figured everything was going to be fine when my dad texted me at around 2 am saying he'd be home soon.

But when I woke up on Tuesday morning and he wasn't home I didn't know what to think. During lunch I found out she was in the ICU,  and when I asked my dad how long she'd be there he paused for a while and eventually said my brother and I would come up after school because we needed to have a family talk.

I went back to my friends and all I could say was,"My mom's going to die". My aunt ended up picking me up then and taking me to the hospital. 

Once we were there my dad told us she could have 24 hours or a few days. How do you take that in? I had just seen my mom two days before, she was fine, but now she was going to die?

My mom held my hand and told me that no matter what she would be at my graduation.

On Wednesday we went back up to the hospital and made arrangements for transportation to take her back to the care center so she could say goodbye.

After they moved her, she went downhill fast. The entire family was there and everyone crammed into her small room and shared memories. I got some time for my mom where I got to thank her for everything she had done for me and really say goodbye.

The family slowly left until there were only her two sisters and their husbands,  and my dad, brother,  and I. We turned on Day's Of Our Lives, her favorite show and just sat around the room in silence. Listening to her shallow breaths. I stared at my mom thinking about what I would do without her, when all of  a sudden her nose started to run. My dad reached over for a tissue,  but when he turned back around she was gone.

I watched her change. There is such a prominent difference between a living body and one that's dead. The light and color left her face, she was gone.

My dad didn't want us to see her completely lose color so we slowly walked out. I hugged my mom one last time hoping she'd start breathing again.  But she didn't.

My mom suffered so much the last 11 years. It's comforting knowing she's not in pain anymore,  but that doesn't change the fact that my mom is gone.

Boat for sale!

Last summer I got my first car. It was 20 years old and a little beat up, but a perfect  first car and even better because it was free! The car is a 1994 Buick Park Avenue and it was amazing.

You really don't know freedom until you have your own car. It's so nice to be able to go where you want, when you want, with who you want. 

A couple months ago my car started having minor problems, but it was easy to fix and still drivable.  On my way to school a few weeks ago the "boat" (our nickname for the car) started making a terrible noise so I pulled off to the side of the road. Once someone finally came to check it out the car wouldn't start at all. We tried jumping it with a couple different cars but it wouldn't take any charge.

The boat has been sitting dead in the driveway for a couple weeks with no interest from buyers,  I wonder why... when life calms down a little I'll be taking it to the junk yard. But until then BOAT FOR SALE!!

When is enough, enough?

Love is such a big part of our society now a days.  People strive for it, warp their looks and personality just to have a chance at getting it. But once you get someone that you love, and they love you even if it's not healthy,  how do you know that it's time to give it up?

After the initial "honeymoon" period of a relationship things change. It's inevitable,  you get comfortable with each other and you grow together. These changes aren't necessarily bad, but if they are and you don't notice how long should you let it go before enough is enough?

I was in a relationship with D for almost three years. They were the best three years of my life. Don't get me wrong, it was hard, really hard. But the love and happiness he brought me greatly outweighed the bad. D and I worked so well together it was almost flawless.  we had our fair share of fights, but we always got through it.

Last week we were hanging out and everything was fine. But then we got into a stupid little fight about lunch and he broke up with me.  He said he had been thinking about it for a while,  but he didn't say anything about it before. At first I felt betrayed,  he was my best friend and was just going to give up on me that easy?  But now I'm getting used to it as much as I can right now. And I guess all I can do is hope he changes his mind after some time apart. No matter what happens I will definitely always love him. Even if it's time to give up.